Who knew that an apology would lead to so many confessions that should have came out years ago?
I have been in such a turmoil for two days. My heart feels broken; shattered in a million pieces. My brain has been collectively going through files and digging pieces of this and that out constantly until my head feels like it has swelled and is on the point of explosion. And my eyes, so many tears have fell in two days time that they feel like sandpaper. I'm not sure I could muster a smidgeon of fluid from them if I had to.
"What-could-have-been" is four words that I'm not sure I will ever hear and be able to get past again. "I wish you would have." will echo in the hollow corners of my brain for days and months. I know that, eventually, the conversation that I shared with a friend will fade but I also know that in my heart he will always be one of the most special people that I have ever known.
One reaction from me could have changed my whole life path but better communication between the two of us could have changed both of ours. Now, as I sit here writing, I realize how important it is that you should share your feelings about someone with them instead of keeping them to yourself. Yeah, you may get hurt but knowing now what I know, I wish I would have taken that chance. To borrow a quote from a friends Facebook page, "True love doesn't have a happy ending because true love never ends."
God has a plan for each of us. He brings people into our lives and he takes them away. I am fortunate to be surrounded by people that will support me even when I have so many negative people that don't and I am fortunate that he brought a true friend back into my life again.
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