Just writing...

I'm not sure what I'll write. I just want to write something.

This semester is whizzing by so fast. I can not believe that a year ago I walked into Ms. Anthony's class, the first of the day, on my first day. A year ago that morning my dad was laying in the ER at Cox, after being LifeLined by St. John's, fighting for his life. I made a quick trip to the hospital to see him before I bee-lined it to campus. The parking, well that was so intimidating that I ended up crying and parking at least three blocks away. On the way to class my wheel fell off my backpack and I walked in 5 minutes late. Every semester for me has been a triumph. Along with every semester, there has been an accompanying tragedy or a large trial, to say the least. The Fall semester, I lost my Grandma.

I won't give up! I'm going to make it through! Some days I feel like I'm clawing to keep hold but I'm going to hold on. I'm now adding to my jumble of school, home and kids, a job. I'm excited to be starting soon. Wonder what other changes are to come????

Giving up...

As I look around, my class that started out with not an empty seat in the room is slowly dwindling. The teacher announced that seven have already dropped and he hasn't given the first test yet. Wow!

I dropped a couple classes myself this semester. They were computer classes that I signed up for when I thought I was going to change my major. They were also online and for some reason beyond me I decided to drop both of them. I think that my heart knew before my head that it wasn't what I wanted because I vaguely remember dropping them. I do remember the, "Oh crap, I just dropped the class." comment coming off my lips after I had done it.

I now am back on track. I have eliminated "Giving up" from my vocabulary. I will study for College Algebra and I will learn it. I will stay in the CIS 101 class for the simple reason that I might learn something and because I don't have the extra cash to test out of it.

I was having a bad day a few weeks ago and a friend of mine from high school sent me a poem that I had sent her when she was in basic training. It goes like this...

Don’t Quit ...

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and debts too high
When you want to smile,
But you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must,
But don’t quit.
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured
The victorious cup
And he learned too late when
Night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out.
So stick to the fight
When you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst
You mustn’t quit.

It came at a time when I was ready to quit, to just give up. She had some kind words about how it had inspired her when she was ready to quit and had made her keep going. That's what it did for me, also.

So, even though some things in my life are chaning, I'm not quitting. I have many years in front of me but I'm not going to focus on those right now. Right now, I'm taking life one day at a time. I'm going to enjoy the path I have chosen and if it gets rocky then I'll push on through and I'll be a better person for it in the end.

As I lay in bed last night, like many other nights, I thought of all that I need to accomplish. My list is long. Here are a few...

I want to lose two sizes before my birthday in April!

I need to start studying for my test in Political Science and Algebra and not wait until the last minute.

I need to start looking a lot harder for a job.

I need to spend a few more hours of the day with the boys.

I need to blog more and Facebook less.

I need to focus better on what I am working towards.

I need to be preparing all the things to turn in for my application into the OTC Nursing program that are due the first of April.

I need to set a budget up, so that I know where I stand when I find a job.

I need to clean the shed when it warms up so that I may bring all my oodles and oodles of Barbies that are left at my Grandma's house.

I need to work on those quilt blocks that I put away.

I need to layout a game plan for my 4-H Wildlife project kiddos.


These are just a few of the many things that rattled around last night in the dark.

Hopefully, in the next few weeks I can knock some of these off my list!

Happy studying fellow students!

New Semester, New Trials

Here we are a week into the new semester. Wow, it's been a ride already. I started out with 5 classes. I had 3 seated and 2 web courses. I dropped to one web course yesterday. It's hard getting into the swing of the web class.

Today, I'm trying my hardest to study. I have a million things on my mind. None of which involve what I'm trying to study. Then, every 10-15 minutes Paden is calling me to help him on his new laptop that he got for Christmas. He was trying to play games on the Disney website but I have now made him quit and play the Jumpstart games that he knows how to use.

My mind rambles here and there. It's hard to focus today. My heart is not into it and I know that I will eventually give up and go find something else to occupy my time for a while. It's even harder when I know that tomorrow will be spent with Colton at a Shooting Sports Safety meeting.

I keep worrying about finding a job. I need one really bad and I keep hoping for a call for an interview soon. A part of me, though, is trepidatious about finding a job. Once I am employeed then life as I know it will change. Not only will I have to adjust all of my classes but I will become a single mom. How scary is that?

Well, enough goofing off. Time to hit the books.